"There is no Passion to be found PLAYING SMALL, in settling for a LIFE that is less than the one you are capable of Living.....
Red Solar Dragon, Nelson Mandala

Monday, February 1, 2016


I know that I have a very blessed life even in the mist of the craziness I experience in my life.  And certainly the last 4 years has not been a picnic by any means.  I also know that I have spoken or written much about my spiritual community that I have been apart of for the last 30 something years.  But in my search to become my true self, I have been able to pull back layer after layer after layer of things that needed to be released from my spirit as I raise my vibration.  And while there is still a lot more work that has to be done, let me just tell you about my most recent discovery.  I am sure that I have mention that I moved back to DC from Arizona after my ex-husband and I decided to go our separate ways.  Some relationships are not meant to be together forever and we had done the work that we came together to do.  It was finish and so were we.

I moved in with my Sister who loving took me in as I needed a place to live.  The Universe would not let me live with my friends in the community and my sister graciously offered to make room for me in her house.  Now, neither she nor I knew that it would be quite some time before I would be able to leave so sometimes the tension in the house would be a bit much.  I would have to visualize a harmonious situation as I had no place to go at that time.   As I recently posted that Pluto has finally left my sun and things are moving forward.  I have started to prepare myself for moving and the future looks bright.

Every month in my spiritual community, we have a full moon ritual.  This month the invocation was to Auset, the grand mother.  For me,  Auset rituals are usually okay but rarely on a grand scale in my spirit.  I have been working to have a better relationship with Auset because she is the mother.  Now, I have always known that I have Mother issues, as my own mother gave me away at two months old to a very loving great great aunt  who loved me as if I was her own child and I loved her as if she was my mother.  It was an incredible experience to have her in my live and it allowed me to live a very full and rich life.  I am going to write a book about her one day.  My mother issues ran so deep that I convienced myself that I did not want to have children because I did not want to treat my children like my mother had treated me.  And since I looked so much like her, I just knew I would act like her too. (This was my thinking, don't judge me, LOL).  So much junk in my head!!!

In my community we have what you call Incarnation Objectives.  Your I.O. (as we call it) basicly gives you a footprint of what you came back to learn in this life time and what Deity will help you with the process.  So one of two of my deities is Sebek.  I don't think I have ever written much about him in this Blog, I will some day because I have so much to share with you about my spiritual journey but I write only when I am inspired to do so and only about what is inspirating me at the time.  At our last full moon ritual, I decided that I would talk to Sebek.  I felt my relationship with him needed improvement and more development  and I am not sure how I can assist in the process.  So when I approached him, he had me sit in his lap.  So that I could be as close as possible to him.  He began to tell me something about  working with gemstones and the gift that I bring to the world from doing that. I love gemstones over the years I have brought plenty of them.  I make Vibrational jewelry and I wear them in my hair.  I even sleep with them in my bed.  Love, Love, Love the energy in them. His conversation on gemstones and me was a natural topic.  He said I needed to  teach other how to use gemstones to heal their organs which was essential along with Chi Gong, and I needed to approach it from that understanding.

He then said that I came to him and I must had some question on my mind that I wanted to ask him so he would be quite and let me ask the question. Now in my mind the question I wanted to ask was how do I invoke him in my life everyday so that I could talk to him everyday.  But, what came out of my mouth was completely different.  What I said to him was that I did not feel his presence.  That was a loaded statement!!!  He said that he was with me everyday always,  He walks with me.  He said that there was an accompliment of energies that also walk with me everyday, the problem with me was that I don't feel love because I have abandonment issues.  I am always searching for love and never quite find what I am looking for because of my previous abandonment.  I never knew I had abandonment issues.  Yes, my mother had given me away but my aunt loved me so much and  I thought it was good. It turns out that when you are invitro you as the fetus bonds with your Mother and your mother with the child.  After you are born, you are still bonded to that mother.  It does not stop because you are no longer with your Mother. Now, my mother was still in my lfie because I was still in that family.  And I longed to be love by my mother and I am sure she loved me just not in the way I wanted to be love.  And while she was never loved the way she wanted to be loved because her month died when she was two it was hard for her to really show any of her childen the kind of love each of us deserved. We are sure she loved us, but we need so much more from her then we got.

So here I am full circle living with my sister who I did not grow up with and realizing that we were almost like strangers.  Yes, she is my sister and loved me but we did not have the relationship that she and my other siblings had, because I was the odd man out.  So, the Universe sent me here to develop a loving relationship with my sister as I release the abandoment issue.  Did I know any of this at the beginning hell no.  Has it been easy, hell no.  Am I healing absolutely, we have been working on it.  And it has improved greatly.  And we will continue to work on this because we are sisters and need to have each other's back, without a doubt.

I love the spirit world and my relationship with it.  They are always teaching me more about myself everyday.  They heal me and I heal myself.  I work at it and I am not afraid to take risk to unlock some mystery about my self.  I want to know all about myself so that I can heal and grow and be an example to others and help them to have courage to do the same for themselves.  In doing this nothing outside of yourself will control you and your emotions will not control you either.  We are not born with emotions, they are learned behavior that we develop early in our childhood.  Fear, anger, grief, sadness, despair, low self esteem are all things that come from childhood.  We have to rid ourself of these emotions because they keep us in negative vibration, they keep up functioning from the animal part of our brain and the human part of our brain, yet, we are Divine Beings experiencing life from a human perspective. It is time for us to be as we truly are, Divine Beings.  I will write about this later because there is so much to be said about it and the effect emotion play in your body.  But, for now I wanted you to understand my abandonment issue and my path to healing it and being a fully functioning adult.

In La'Kesh (I am another yourself)  Peace, Joy, Love and Light to all of you my tribe!!!


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