"There is no Passion to be found PLAYING SMALL, in settling for a LIFE that is less than the one you are capable of Living.....
Red Solar Dragon, Nelson Mandala

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

My Own Personal Shift

like to bring to my blog information that will inspire you to think outside of the box as these kind of things inspire me and we are all looking for inspiration.   As you can see these articles are really about my experiences.  I have experience everything that I have written about and there is still more things to write about because I am an experiential kind of person. I could write everyday and still have more to write but because of school and life I don't write as much as I would like to in the present.  So with that said  it is not impossible to believe that this morning when I work up at 3am  to do my morning meditate, I awoke with these thoughts in my head.  And I will share these thoughts with you although they are quite private but I feel that you and me have a very intimate relationship so I trust that you will understand what I am saying.  I came to Arizona looking for adventure.  I love adventure and I have a zest for knowledge.  I love meeting new people and going new places.  I have travel a lot; although, not as much as I would like too. I have been to at least 9 countries, lived in Ghana, West Africa for two years and traveled to 30 states within the United States.  The adventure I have received in Arizona was not what I was looking for although, it was what I needed.  I ended my marriage of 23 years here.  Met one of the most influential people I could have every  met.  Worked with her for over a year and got my brain balanced.  I have gone back to school and got a degree in Holistic Health care with a speciality in Polarity Therapy and Cranial Sacral Therapy  which I absolutely adore. And now I am getting a third degree with a speciality as a License Massage Therapist.  I have finished all my classes as a Celebrant and I will add to my list of achievements as a Yoga Nidra instructor.  So when I say that I have accomplished much here in Arizona believe me when I tell you I have.  I have had the least about of money living here in Arizona then I have had living anywhere else accept Ghana.  There, I came with money and I only made a little bit of money there not because I did not try to make money but because of colonialization destroyed the mind set of the people in Ghana and I did not know how to maneuver around it so where a lot of money could have been made that would have benefitted me and them that ended up not being the case.  But, it was just a learning curve and I give thanks that I experienced it.  But, I did try and I did make some money. But, here in Arizona in the desert it has been unusually difficult and yet I have done some of my best work here and I can honestly say I have learned so much about myself that I have grown by leaps and bounds.  But, today I awaken thinking about my life today at this very instant and I realize I am a little unhappy.  Here in Arizona my stress levels have been high, uncertainty very high and distasteful. So here we go with my thoughts of today....

My girlfriend offer me a place to live after I left my ex husband.  I had no money to pay rent at the moment and I needed to finish school.  So when she offered, I reluctantly accepted.  Her track record of letting people come into her house has not been good and I did not want to end up with the same dilemma.  So I moved in and for a few weeks it was good.  Then things went south and everyday it is a struggle to be here.  I won't go into detail because that would invade her privacy, I don't have much privacy so I can talk about myself because this is a conversation between you and me, right? and you won't tell anybody, right?  Well, another friend asked me to move in with her and we had a plan on how we could pay the rent.  So after things went south with my current roommate who gave me until January to find another place, I told my new friend I would move in with her.  I raised the money to pay the first and last month's rent and was looking forward to moving and having my own room with the winter solstice and 12/21/12, I needed a place of my own or so I thought.  I wanted to be in position to get the most of the experience, right?  Well, the Universe said HELL NO and everything fell apart and I ended up not moving.  My girlfriend said stay here but have you done something knowing you are not really wanted?  Do you know what that is like to live someplace and they really don't want you there?  I am beyond hurt at the moment.  So this morning I asked myself what the HELL IS GOING ON??? The shift has been happening to me and I did not even know it. I have grown so much that it is scary.  I live in this house with some one that is my polar opposite and I still just do my thing.  The TV is on 18 hours out of the day.  I hate the TV and I do not watch it.  I still manage to meditate, focus, do my homework, write and be silent.  I just shut it off in my head.  I continue to eat healthy, she does not and will not eat my food.  Too bad for her because I have worked in 2 Vegan restaurants and did private catering and people love my food, so wholesome, all organic.  So my point that I don't know who is here for the other.  It really does not matter.  She gets money, I get a place to stay but it is more than that. I continue forward with my agenda and so does she.  Is she asleep as we say, yes she is.  Will she wake up maybe one day.  Have I planted a seed, yes.  Has she planted a seed for me, yes.  Will I survive this absolutely. And have I changed absolutely.  I have shifted in to a new paradigm.  I feel it in the core of my body and now my nervous system is adjusting to fit.  Is it pleasant, hell no!!! Now I have some idea what I will have to deal with when I am out there working.  I am a Lightworker and I have to bring light to all dark corners of the world.  That is what Lightworkers do.  You can not expect that change will come immediately, change is slow but it is happening at all levels with everybody.  Will you answer the call?  We you live outside of your comfort level to assist others to grow?  It is a bitch, but so necessary. I am a catalyst for change.  I can not catalyze change for others and not change.  Change will always come through me first and then go outward.

One more thing... When we accept new names and new ideals in our lives they come with a price tag and that price tag can be anythings, how you think, how you feel, how you change.  What I mean by that is I have taken on the responsibility of being a White Rhythmic Wizard.  To be a Wizard is to be a catalyst.  To catalyze others I first have to catalyze myself.  You can't teach other to grow, if you don't grow. You can't work from the heart space and not feel it in the heart. It is hard work.  So for those of you who are looking for the glory in this coming age, I will leave you with this quote...

If you want to awaken all of humanity, then awaken all of yourself
If you want to eliminate all of the suffering in the world
then eliminate all that is dark and negative within yourself
Truly, the greatest gift you have to give is that of your own true transformation...Lao Tzu

And with that I say, In Lak'esh, I am another yourself, Peace and Blessing and Much Love!!!

1 comment:

  1. You always have been one of my greatest inspirations and an example to woman of what women and beauty looks and behaves like. Always humbled to read anything from you. Love and polarity sister.